literature

This kind of dreams...

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   If there is any kind of dream that I've been used to appreciate fully, it is this one, where the world feels so real, where each touch feels like it is encountering the nerves of your skin, the atmosphere around you smells like the air that is filling the place, and you know how cool or warm it is... You can seize each second between your fingers, count them if you want. And you can breathe the dream as if it was another world in which your mind was taken to.
This kind... where your body is not. But as if it was. It felt as if, anyway...

*A few years ago*

Here I am now, in this room that is surrounding me; it is so empty. I can see and touch the wooden walls, and caress them with my fingertips... Those are the same walls that were welcoming me as a child for years; they were the witnesses of a few episodes of my life back at the time, there. There is nothing around me; but now, just this room... and I.
It feels like I'm going a few steps back in the past, as if I had the power to go back to places that I had left awhile ago behind me. Everything is in 3 dimensions around me. I have forgotten my body that is laying on my bed, I am somewhere else now... And that is amazing... I can just touch it back... as if it was facing me.

We are January 20th 2016, about 3AM. I'm having my usual reflections about life... and what's lacking (a ritual I've got used to somehow... basically to lay somewhere the burdens my mind has to carry)
But I am still realizing how this kind of dream brings something magical; yes, this feel of being fully conscious that is a dream, and living it fully... as a whole.
Well... it has been kinda awhile I haven't seen any like those truly.
Some told me they had never experimented this...
When it's not this kind of dream, while back at the time I had to endure a nightmare, now I can just teleport and skip it...
Is everything possible in these realistic dreams, in fact?
I could fly sometimes... and see the sunlight, meet very few average people on my way although I'm usually lonely...
They don't seem to last for awhile though...
And my memories sometimes fade after experimenting them...

These moments of reflections could take between 5 minutes and 1 hour... Five minutes when I didn't feel like repeating myself about facts that I had already layed in the past, 1 hour when I felt the need of doing so, and adding to it some content. Over the time, the burden happened to stay the same, to become heavier or to sometimes change of nature... My perplexity was thirsty, like something I wish I could seize but could not despite my efforts... every night I started thinking: "May I find out someday what I could use to fix this blank..."
"Some motivation...which I am in lack of currently."

There are things over the time I've started trying to accept, to see coming and leaving of my way, or even to repeat themselves... I felt powerless about this. But I had to accept this. Somehow. And I started seeing some facts like: "Errr well... you know what. Ain't that vain anyway... as it's gonna fade and something else will replace it. It's always the same; I've seen it over and over already."
Still with the question of: "What can I do out of this? Can I find something useful with this? Is there anything different I have to do?"
This and, this... although it was usually the same questions, I needed to reflect about them over and over, because they were probably covering about 80-90% of my everyday's life. And I had to lay them somewhere.

It still felt natural this night to think about something silly... like dreams... and how those could break the blandness of life. In a way, they could fill life with something that reality could not.
I started thinking that it was like... well... Paranormal activities...
"Paranormal is something that humans use to..."
Suddenly, a noise popped up as something that hit the basket of my room. It was dark... I could not see anything.
I stayed blank for awhile... instinctively enough, my heart beat faster. Then I went on...
"This... this is something we use to fill the blandness of life, fantasies... we are just wishing for something more extraordinary... than what we can already seize. They are a bunch of fantasies..."

Anyway... it was time to sleep now. But aye, these so realistic dreams... if anything could happen in those... that's already fantastic...
... and I didn't need to wait one more night to re-experiment this kind.

*Here we are*

After leaving a car, the evening was falling... I was in front of a cinema (and I already knew this place).
I looked around: "Oh... so here I am in a dream, fully conscious... the atmosphere is warm. Not really cold or hot."
Just the night... the place, and I. "Well, here I am... but what to do now?"
I pondered, and I remembered in the previous dreams so far I used to go to malls.

But...
Something was wrong. And that is now that I realized it.
Indeed...
All of this smelt so real, and I was living the seconds as if I could count them on my fingers, however...
It was so real that it felt like nothing too peculiar could happen. Yeah, I can fly (if I manage to)... but if I ever happened to meet anyone, that would ONLY be an average person. In fact, it felt like it was impossible for me to meet anything else than what was out of my real life experience.

And this is something I understood right this night. It felt like I could not even call anyone in the dream; everything was too average. But I could live them as if they were real, and go to places of my past where I had no access anymore (at least).

The real feel of these dreams, and yet... they have been following me for so long. As a child, not far from my 5 years old, I got attached to a stroller I saw in a dream; it felt so real... and as silly as I was, I made the vain attempt to grab it very tight hoping it would (perhaps, by defying the laws of logic) come with me to reality when I would wake up. Obviously, it did not. Ouchie, my heart was broken. But it was to be accepted as such. There was a barrier between reality and dreams. And yet, it has come to me to enjoy these two like parallel worlds in which I could switch...
Today it more felt like needing to learn more about the rules (and thereby if there was any way to change them?)

It has happened once or twice that would blow a fuse...

"HAHAHAHA!!! You know what? All of you aren't real! None of this is happening, so everything's ok! I'm gonna leave the class now! RIGHT BY THE WINDOW! HA!" (about 5 years ago... after receiving a shitty grade in History class)

Besides these dreams... there have been blurrier ones. Not as conscious and realistic, but you know... silly as f*ck.

*In a beach, at night... fluffing around lustfully with some partner... * (1-2 years ago)
*Grabbing the butt full of wet sand of the partner who had an underwear or a suit (or whatever she had in that beach, who cares, I think that ended up thrown away somewhere later!)*
*Wait... WTF?!*

Partner: "Nn....n...NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!! :crying:"
Sam: :O_o: "... alright, alright, I won't..."
Partner: "I.. I mean... PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! KEEP ON!"
Sam: "Uhh well... ok then..." (goes on)
Partner: "WOAAAAAAAH NOO!!! NO!!! NO!!!!"
Sam: :shifty: ... (Are you sure you're ready?)
Partner: "SORRY!! GO ON!!"

*A few attempts later*
Partner: "NOOOOO!!!!!!"
Sam: "Ok, you know what? I'm quitting... Unimpressed "

*Leaving without looking back*

"I WANT IT!!! I BEG YOU!!! COME BACK!!! S...SAAAM!!!! I WANT IT!!!!"

Holy fuck! Like you don't know what you want! I don't wanna feel like a DE-LIN-QUANT! :iconwhatisthisshitplz:
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'm leaving you THERE, and I'm going back HOME, that is in my bed.

... Kinda left me frustrated. :iconupsetpumpkieplz:

Pfft.
Maybe I should write a song about this.
My silly experiences of life... could at least turn into some source of inspiration I guess.

Oh well...
Dinner time.
© 2016 - 2024 Sameore
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DerEnKah's avatar
x3 lol...sometimes dreams can be jerks...:lol: teasing us all the time.